More Than A Home

I‘m turning 40 this year.  I know, hard to believe, right?  As I reach this milestone I’ve been looking back at everything I’ve accomplished up to this point.  I can’t help but ask that age old question, is it enough?  What about those things I still long to do?  Is there enough time to do them? Why does it take 30 years to grow up and then you immediately start growing old?  What about those things that seem impossible to accomplish?

Perhaps being in the midst of a flu and strep induced illness is not the time to contemplate such things.  But there it was and as I floated between fever filled dreams and moments of consciousness these questions vied for my attention.  Have I done enough?  why is life so short?  How will I get it all done?

This morning I woke up with a little bit of energy and turned on my computer.  After a few minutes I came upon a blog post that had this quote-

 “A century ago [in 1809] men were following with bated breath the march of Napoleon & waiting with feverish impatience for news of the wars. And all the while in their homes babies were being born. But who could think about babies? Everybody was thinking about battles.

In one year between Trafalgar and Waterloo there stole into the world a host of heroes: Gladstone was born in Liverpool; Tennyson at the Somersby Rectory; and Oliver Wendell Holmes in Massachusetts. Abraham Lincoln was born in Kentucky, and music was enriched by the advent of Felix Mendelssohn in Hamburg.

But nobody thought of babies, everybody was thinking of battles. Yet which of the battles of 1809 mattered more than the babies of 1809? We fancy God can manage His world only with great battalions, when all the time he is doing it with beautiful babies. When a wrong wants righting, or a truth wants preaching, or a continent wants discovering, God sends a baby into the world to do it.” {F.M. Bareham as quoted by Spencer W. Kimball}

I cried at the truth that seemed to speak to me from this quote.  Maybe it is the fever that has numbed the fringes of my brain but I can imagine a string from my heart that spirals out and as the spiral widens it not only touches each one of my babies but other people and their babies and as that spiral widens and widens I can no longer see individual faces, but the face of God. I hope it’s not just illness born delirium making all this click into place for me today.  I hope it makes sense to you as well.  Because quite honestly, if it only makes sense to me, James needs to get me back to the hospital.  But really I think it’s the only way I’ll ever stop myself from looking back and wondering “what if…” about every crossroad.  Is it faith or pride for me to hope that though I may not see each of the desires of my heart fulfilled with my life, they will be fulfilled because of my life?  I’d like to think it is faith but I’ll have to contimplate that further on another day.

 

Which one of my beautiful babies will grow up to make a difference in orphan care in China?  Which one of my beautiful babies will grow up to change the world with their love, insight, music, art, intuition, passion?  Which one of my beautiful babies will inspire their generation’s Gladstone, Tennyson, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Abraham Lincoln, Felix Mendelssohn (or Billy Graham)?

So that is where I am this morning.  Sitting on my side of the sickbed looking at the approach of my 40th year.  Bring it on.  after I take another nap.

From time to time throughout the day I hop onto Facebook and type some profound, sad or hilarious moment that has unfolded in our family.  Here is a summary of my favorite status updates from 2012.

January

• oh dear.  just got a call from the school.  Maddie and Noah got “bus left” again.
• Maddie- “I wish I was yellow so Josie could see me.”
•  Noah- “mom? what’s it called when your butt throws-up?”
• Maddie at my bed in the middle of the night… “Mom? I had a bad dream.”  “I’m sorry honey.  What was it about?”  “Zombies. riding a roller-coaster, singing the Andy Griffith song.”  ::shudder::
• today at my check-up my doctor said, “your blood pressure is beautiful.  we won’t change a thing about your medication.”  ummm, thank you, but I’m not on medication.
• pressure over 50 in Josie’s worst eye.  they’ve just begun the laser surgery to reduce fluid production in that eye.  doctor said most people couldn’t function with that pressure but Josie hasn’t known any different.
• Read more »

On the Friday before Christmas the Littles had a special adventure.  It began when Noah got the mail and there was a letter addressed to him and the other Littles.

Read more »

I’m not sure how to even begin describing this past year with Josie. She and I got off to a very rocky start.  Mei Guo baba was ok but Mei Guo mama was to be avoided at all costs.  Not merely avoided, but repelled in any way possible.  As we traveled through China I was kicked, hit and headbutted at every opportunity.  It got old pretty quick.  I came home with lots of new bruises.   She was initially excited to see Noah again then upset when Noah wouldn’t speak Chinese to her.  Our first two weeks home Josie hardly left the couch.  She slept most of the day and ate very little.
Read more »

Josie’s birthday is today and Noah’s birthday is Tuesday so we decided to have their party last night.  Makes perfect sense, right?  Trust me, they did not mind having their party a little early. Read more »